frustration sets in sometimes

the first week of march i was about at my breaking point.
sway had a severe, severe case of AIHA/IMHA...
now a confirmed case of SIBO as well...
and the unsolved symptoms/visually looking exactly like an EPI dog on top of everything else.
only problem is that the EPI tests come back stating there is no EPI.
matter a fact it stated that the test was completely in the opposite range of EPI, instead bordering on either pancreatitis/renal dysfunction/or severe malnutrition.
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my dog eats every single night, yet cannot gain a single damn pound!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when i take her outside some people might look at me as if i starve and abuse her.
not that i care what other people think, but the scenario is unsettling regardless...
i have no answers as to what is happening to her, 3 great doctors, no answers.
and she just looks so incredibly bad.
i'm tired of her looking so bad and compromised.
she looks far worse now, than she did 6 months after being diagnosed...
no answers.

i mean, we are 21 months into this thing...
her blood count hasn't recovered but (aside from this recent drop) has remained a steady 20-28% for nearly the last 15 months...
how can her body not physically recover after 15 months????
it's not like she is on high doses of meds,
she is not.
the only hard med she is on is a very minimal dose of prednisone, and that is every other day.
she gets soloxine daily, and then her nandrolone injection weekly.
the rest of the additives are supplements.
there is no explainable reason as to why her body is like it is.

the biggest knife in the heart is that i feel like it's something that hasnt been addressed yet...and it's just flying under the radar and i absolutely feel guilty that i don't know what it is.
i was almost praying IT WAS EPI, how horrible does that sound?
but atleast i could then say, AH!! that is the reason her body is so broken and begin to get to the bottom of treating it as dillegently as possible...
i mean, you can just search 'EPI images' and swap sways picture in for any of the dogs that come up and she might even look worse...
i'm just so angry.

i'm financially on the verge of bankruptcy...
i fought it off once, and here i am again, on that ledge...
but i'm fine to stay on the ledge, i'd accept being broke as hell for the next 20 years as long as i can just get some clarity as to why this is happening!!

sway is such an amazing dog.
God i love her so much.
i tell her allllll the time that things will get better, we are going to beat this thing...
and she has been amazing, she is incredible.
she has such a spirit, her eyes are my favorite thing in the whole world.
i know she's with me, i just wish her body would catch up to her...it's a travesty.

it's like we have just been thru a monster of a tornado...
and now, yes...we are physically out of the actual funnel cloud, but we are still living in the house that was ravaged by the tornado, and we can still visually see it causing destruction down the street.
that is how i feel.
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i vented this at the vetnet forum and i thought i'd put it here too.
it's just frustration, but it's a real emotion and i don't want to under-sell how overwhelming this disease can potentially be.
i pray that nobody has to go thru this long of a rollercoaster ride, but if you ever do, allow me to be an advocate for you...
feel free to email me anytime because i'm going thru it.
being able to vent does sort of allow you to push the reset button, so sometimes you just need to talk it out with yourself, compose and then keep moving forward.
i'm fully committed to my dogs recaptured good health and will not allow any setback get me down for too long, but it does still happen...just know how to put it into perspective and mold that energy into something positive.