bad week

sunday night her breathing was very labored.
it woke me up around 4 am and her mouth was open slightly, body crashing up and down in an attempt for more air.
i held onto her and wasnt sure how things would pan out.
this has been becoming more and more prominent lately, ups and downs concerning her pace of breathing.
the fact that she just received a 2 unit transfusion the day before was glaring, because it seemed to me as if it wasnt holding in any way.
we went outside to pee and for whatever reason, she settled down and her breathing stabalized once we had layed back down.
i dont know if it is her expanded stomach pressing on her different organs that brings upon the quicker breathing...but it seemed as if getting her outside to pee had done the job.

monday came, sway did not eat.
later that night we headed out to the ledge in newport...
the walking path overlooks the entire city and its a pretty dope park.
sway was entertained and had it easy cuz i had to carry her everywhere!!!
she wanted badly to chase a rabbit that came up to us, but was ok with just watching it.
she is still very much interested in what is happening around her, and still pulls just as many compliments, even with her cone shaped head!

tuesday came and went, sway ate some scrambled eggs but this was only the 2nd time she had eaten since friday.

wednesday-
with her breathing ups and downs becoming more prominent, i thought it best that while i was at work, she spend the day at the vet.
she was physically withering away and i just assumed that another transfusion would probably be needed.
...based around the knowledge that her last 3 transfusions had only lasted for about 4 days each, i fully expected her count to be below 10%.
she looked worse, she was no longer able to sit herself up, and her appetite was next to nothing.
dr. woods called me to say her count was at 21%...
whoa.
no signs of regeneration, but the fact that she was holding such a decent count (for her) was a promising thing.
was the steroid helping? we didnt know.
was something finally beginning to turn around for the better? time would surely tell.
when i got her home she was once again refusing all food, this is becoming a huge issue.

thursday i almost lost her.
in the morning things were normal,
i left her sleeping in my bed because she likes to be by the window and at times there is a decent breeze.
every single day i come back from work on my lunch break so i can visit and take her out.
today i was running late because a call i was on ran over like a half an hour.
when i got home she was under the covers with the sun beating in the window...
she was laying in her own pee & vomit, and was breathing 100 miles an hour with her tongue completely swollen out of her mouth.
she couldnt even move from that position...
internally i was freaking the hell out.
i rushed her to my car and she was dying in my arms.
california traffic was just stupid, sitting, i jumped in the car pool lane and hoped the cops wouldnt be pricks.
once we got to the vet sway was literally lifeless, but her eyes were still open and she was still breathing.
she had a temperature of 107.
i wanted to try.
my vet put her on fluids immediately and within the next hour her temp had came back down to 98.
i sat with her for the next 4 hours.
a billion thoughts ran thru my mind, this hurt bad.
my vet told me that we could continue to fight but it would be an extremely steep uphill battle.
he mentioned that it could also be appropriate to put her down.
obviously the decision was mine and i couldnt do it.
he was supportive of my choice; to keep going, and thats where we are.
the entire time i sat in with sway while that fluid bag was dripping, she was looking right at me.
eyes open. staring.
i was talking to her the whole time.
i know she wants to live, but does she just want to live because she knows i want her to live?
my mom told me that i need to give her permission to go,
and later on that night...i did.
i cant even begin to describe how difficult this whole thing is, so for now i wont even try.
sway didnt eat, she couldnt...
the swelling in her tongue hadnt went down, she couldnt chew or really swallow.
we slept ok.
in the morning it seemed to have improved because she gulped down a full bowl of water.
she is now at the vet getting her 2nd fluid treatment.
im so proud of her, she is so strong and she tries so hard.
hopefully a corner will be turned soon.