i would pick her up after work and she would stay at home with me until the next morning. she was still refusing food, she could not stand & could barely support the weight from her own head.
thursdays mess, coupled with her anemia was really taking its toll.
each day when picking her up, dr. woods would speak to me and the outlook was obviously not very optimistic...
this was clear, but he would still take the time to throw around ideas and scenarios, while maintaining frankness.
he would tell me that he didnt have a good feeling about this one, but at the end of the day would still respect my view and make it known we could keep going.
this is why i am lucky...that is what you want in a vet. someone that is straight forward, listens, provides ideas and clearly has an emotional investment in the pet...
his office clearly does, and i could see that it hurt him and his staff to know that sway was doing so poorly.
friday afternoon he had highlighted his fear that a leukemia might be the culprit.
we had so many hurdles and others were seeming to pop up in addition...
the auto immune hemolitic anemia, the side effects from meds, the breaking down of sways body, the weakness, now she wasnt eating (+4 days), and was refusing all meds by mouth...
on top of this was the revelation that thursdays episode was most likely some form of a stroke brought on by heat or a blood clot.
and then the mention of cancer just doomed the entire situation.
i left his office on friday not knowing what i was going to do.
the only thing i did know was that i wanted to spend the next 12 hours with sway and make sure she knew how much i loved her.
friday night was emotionally the toughest night of my entire life.
some say she is "just a dog," or "then you must live an easy life..."
...these type of people are in extreme contrast to someone like myself.
have i been thru tough things? sure...
the divorce of my parents,
great relationships with a few nameless girls ending in heartbreak,
the cross country move from my home in ohio to california, by myself...& did i mention i had no job or any place to stay when i got there?
the next 3 years hacking it in a place where the cost to live is unbelievably high.
and dont forget the fact that i had to leave my entire family and all of my lifelong friends in the process...
i havent been home in 2 years, i havent even seen my twin neices in person yet.
this type of seperation from everything you "knew" causes a great amount of hurt on someone from an emotional standpoint, atleast with me it did...
...i dont say these things to talk up what ive been through, but rather to underline how important sway is to me.
i HAVE been thru some things...but trust me, this night was emotionally my toughest, ever, and i can say that with certainty. my heart was broken.
sway IS my family here...she is all i have and i love her with everything i got.
ive had family pets my entire life, but she was the first that i was solely responsible for...
6 years ago i found her abandoned as a puppy and she has been MY family ever since.
the thought of actually putting her down was unexplainable.
this fear had consumed my mind for months, the 'what ifs' and all that...but for the first time, i questioned whether i was doing the right thing by keeping her alive, and had to literally face the possibility of making that choice.
i spent 2 hours on the phone with my mom, and i cried more then than i have in years.
you can cry, and then you can have one of those cleansing cries...this shit was a cleansing cry.
i was a wreck, but i needed that talk and i thank my mom for it.
truth be told, i was more than likely going to put my girl down...i didnt want her to suffer for 1 second and the fear that something like thursday could happen again while i was at work, and that sway would die alone, was overwhelming. i WANTED to be there if and when she passed. this was a MUST.
september 29 - at about 4am that morning me and sway went to the beach...
i had no idea what i was going to do but i wanted to spend that time just talking to her and clearing my head in the process.
she always loved the beach, and we went out there and sat in the dark.
i had to carry her since she couldnt walk, but it was a good time and sway was alert.
thats the thing...even as her body was breaking down, from the shoulders up she was slowly improving and she was receptive as could be.
this is a picture i took of us @ the beach...
i chose to take her back in for another day of fluids.
dr. woods agreed that she looked brighter & she spent all day getting more plasma etc.
when i picked her up we had another in depth discussion about her condition...
he again underlined his fear that leukemia could be at the center of this, and told me straight that if i chose to go forward she would need hospitalized just to get her thru the weekend.
the bright spot was that, even with all of these issues crashing down on us, her PCV was holding strong at 20.
...that, along with the fact that i had a consultation with dr. dodds on monday was driving home the urge to still fight.
sways spirit was alive, but her body was like a starving child from a 3rd world country...
doc was clear that if we were to give sway a punchers chance of overcoming anything, she would need to be hospitalized the entire weekend...
this meant going to VCA and spending over a $1000 a day...
knowing my financial situation he was concerned that if leukemia was revealed to be in the bone marrow, we would then be up against nearly impossible odds.
...but if this was something that i had to do, take her and hospitalize her, and lets all cross our fingers.
it was pretty clear that laying inbetween didnt make any sense for sway, we needed to go to superhuman levels and get her thru this weekend in blind faith, or simply put her down by allowing her to pass.
my heart said she can do this, she is trying hard, she has plenty of life left, faith is a strange thing but i trusted it.
even tho i am currently pretty faaar in debt, $ was not playing a part in this decision.
i have 4 credit cards and 1 was blank...
if i had to max it out to give her 1 last shot i would.
it was almost like if i didnt then i wouldnt be able to live with myself, and each person will have to work these issues out within themselves...
i chose to take her into vca for the weekend, and dr. woods immediately shifted into the mode of steering the ship...
he gave me a blood sample and prepped me for what to expect, then called over and spoke to one of the doctors personally to bring them up to speed with sways case.
dr. woods is a great vet!!! and i cant emphasize enough on how key having one you trust is in battling this disease.
leaving the office, it was literally like a do or die feeling...
i knew this weekend would either be a turning point, or potentially sways last.
when we got to vca sway was weighed in at 27 pounds...
she had slowly been losing weight but no number stuck out to me like that moment did.
this was a 40 pound pit bull just 6 months ago.
they immediately took her back to start fluids and hemit, & i left there with a broken heart and hope that God would work a miracle.
september 30 - when i came back to visit the next day, her PCV was still holding steady :)
21, 20, 21, 25 (what???)...she is an impressive lil' girl.
it had risen on its own for the first time in almost 4 months.
i spoke at length with the primary vet overlooking sways care, dr. jane armstrong.
she provided some guarded optimism but my dog was VERY sick and there was no way to sugarcoat that.
another full blood panel was taken and the results would be back on monday...
when i went back to visit her at night her ears and gums were flush with a red glow :)
october 1 - monday came and sway was still in the hospital...
i was at work and about an hour before my consultation with jean dodds i got a call from dr. armstrong.
the blood panel was back and sway was still holding on to her RBC count.
bad thing was that she was leaking tons of protein into her urine.
sway had a UPC rating of 22% (a normal dog should be below 0.)
dr. armstrong informed me that damage to the kidneys seemed evident and this was usually something that happens prior to going into full renal failure.
if this happens to be the case, the prognosis given to me was 2-6 months...
ouch. what a blow from the blind spot.
hurt again and again, its a rollercoaster.
i finally got to see dr. dodds at hemopet and brought her up to speed on the new issues.
she called and spoke directly to dr. armstrong while i was in the room.
we think that the durabolin is clearly the biggest attributor to the steadyness of sways RBC count.
dr. dodds also gave me hope that the random kidney issues could be something that was caused by the heat stroke sway had on thursday.
she also said that since this was so out of the blue, it might end up being something that would eventually correct itself.
outside of the specifics i mention here, jean dodds has just really inspired me to hang tough during this battle.
shes replenished me with hope and told me that i should not focus on what sway looks like, but rather we just adjust and establish a plan that will eventually make sway better.
...dr. dodds is truly an angel amongst us, and i am so thankful to have her in sways corner.
monday night sway looked better & her PCV was still holding steady...
earlier it had dropped to around 18 but i was told not to worry.
they explained that it was due to all the fluids sway was on, and at times that could dilute the blood...
sure enough, by the time i went in for a visit it had risen back to 22-25.
she was more alert than usual and wagging her tail when she saw me turn the corner.
she was wide awake.
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